makes me unbelievably happy, undeniably sad all at once. God, it's insane, with everything one-sided, me watching her like some fucking love sick puppy while I try to act as normal as possible around THAT other person who sits, what, 3 meters away from me?, wanting it to work out between them both because I just want to see her happy even though it hurts so bad, doing all sorts of crazy things I never thought I'd do just because of her.

And all three of us share the same initials so its jl>jl>jl. To top it all off, I can't even force out a school essay since she's on my mind 24/7 and I don't think anyone really knows how seriously I'm taking this.

I feel so...tired. Checking my friendster (oh the shame) profile every few hours just to see if she replied my comments, checking hers because I need to know if there's still anything between them (despite reassurances from random sources that there wasn't anything to begin with). People tell me I'm going through this too much, with my dissecting of everything she says.

Why would she reply me in the first place? Does she know? Why bother with me when she never replies people? Is she just being nice or have I somehow made the right move somewhere along the way? Is the fact that there's always a question on her comments an indication she wants to talk to me? Just being polite?

I'm so addicted it scares me. In a good way of course.